Becoming Friends with Peace

In the last 6 months I have had so many emotions that I have had to battle. There was depression, sadness, anger, frustration, grief, anxiety, I mean the list goes on and on. I couldn’t help but get riled up every single time that I saw or heard Parent C’s name or his wife’s name. 

I started to talk to myself every time that it happened and asked “where is my anger focused,” because my focus should only be on Star⭐️ and her wellbeing and if she is not being intentionally abused or neglected then I shouldn’t stress out so much. (I used the phrase ‘intentionally abused’ deliberately because I have my own thoughts and feelings on the topic of abuse in our parenting dynamic).

Where I really struggled was to redirect my focus and anger and make sure I was being intentional with my feelings and thoughts because with how often I was getting upset, I was also affecting my relationship with my wife because she also felt all of the same emotions but her frustration was surrounded by guilt because she couldn’t do anything to ease my mind and my thoughts without taking legal action but we want to prevent our kiddo from going in front of a judge and being in such a vulnerable situation; this is all coming from personal experience because my wife went through that and it was really traumatic for her and she just wants to prevent our child from sharing that same trauma. 

So as I continued to understand where and how I am directing my feelings, I realized that with a lot of willpower and patience I was able to create peace and make a joke out of Parent C’s mentality. I think being honest with our child has really helped me internally because I am not hiding my emotions or at least not all of them, I am also focusing on my child and if she is happy and thriving then I don’t need to care about the other parents and how they are acting towards us. I also came to realize that I was focused on the parents and frustrated that we weren’t on the same page but the only thing that mattered was Star⭐️. I know I keep repeating this but that is truly what helped me heal.

I was Star⭐️ once and I know that there will be a day that she comes to me and is crying her eyes out because she can’t seem to get through to either of her parents and her needs aren’t being met. I will be there and I will be the adult that I needed when I was going through those emotions but I just hope that day never comes and she is able to thrive without ever feeling alone especially having three sets of parents who only want the best for her.