The Child Messenger
I have come to a block in the road when it comes to co-parenting with Parent C. So my daughter had a school concert in March on Parent Cs week and [just for context] to this point we haven’t been able to see our daughter on Parent C’s weeks. After her concert was over we walked out with her and she quietly pulled us to the side and asked if she could come home with us and it breaks my heart so much to tell her no but we had to work the next day. So the week after we pick her up on our days off because Parent A allows us to visit with our daughter, anyway, we asked her if she would like to start visiting with us more regularly like she used to before the custody battle.
Parent C has asked for any visitations to be communicated through Star⭐️ but she is a child and co-parenting 101 says to Absolutely for No Reason Use the Child as the Communicator between Parents! We later asked our daughter if she would like us to ask on her behalf and she obviously said yes.
Then comes the hard part; we asked Parent C if we could start our routine day visits. As per usual they responded with "We will talk with her." I can only imagine the conversation being more of an interrogation or better yet there might not be any conversation. What do you benefit from alienating the one family who has been there since birth; I will emphasize again.. they were gone for 3 almost 4 years with one or two visits a year before moving closer to Star⭐️.
I hope one day Parent C opens their eyes before it's too late because I can tell you from personal experience, I don't talk to my dad and I refuse to talk to my step-mom without cause. My dad was a very emotionally manipulative person by making sure my sister and I were always aware that we knew our roles and our place so to speak. On the other hand, my step-mom was someone who loved to compare my sister and I and wanted to make sure our beauty standards matched her own desires. I know my Star⭐️ is already in a better situation emotionally but it still doesn’t stop my fears and anger from surfacing as I know the mental and emotional toll it takes to fight against your parents’ manipulation.
So I say, I know my daughter will hurt but she is strong because she has us; two very strong women who have been hurt by one parent or more and it's hard to grow up knowing your parents hate each other over stupid minor things when the easiest thing to do is just talk like adults and don’t let your children do the communicating for you. That is why the courts have appointed mediators for such matters. Love your children even when your ex-partner(s) is a non-negotiating narcissist.