The Child Messenger

I’ve reached a challenging point in co-parenting with Parent C. Recently, our daughter had a school concert during Parent C’s week. Up until this point, we haven’t been able to see her during Parent C’s weeks. After the concert, she pulled me aside and quietly asked if she could come home with us. It broke my heart to say no because we had work the next day. This hadn’t raised a red flag but I still took note of it for any future reoccurrence. The following week, we were able to visit her on our days off, thanks to Parent A allowing it. During that visit, we asked if she would like to spend more regular time with us like she used to before the custody battle.

Parent C has requested that any visitations be communicated through Star⭐️. However, co-parenting best practices strongly advise against involving children as messengers between parents. When we asked our daughter if she wanted us to handle communication on her behalf, she was clear that she preferred that.

When we approached Parent C about starting regular visits, the response was the usual, “We will talk with her.” I worry that this conversation might not happen or could be difficult for Star⭐️. It’s hard to understand why there seems to be so much distance between Parent C and my wife, just being that she has been in Star’s⭐️ life since her very first breath. I want to emphasize that Parent C was not very present for nearly four years before moving closer to Star⭐️.

I hope one day Parent C can see the importance of keeping all family relationships open, before it’s too late. Speaking from personal experience, I have a complicated relationship with my own father and stepmother due to emotional challenges in my childhood. Though I believe Star⭐️ is in a better place emotionally, I still worry about the impact parental conflicts can have on her.

I believe our daughter is strong, especially knowing she has two loving and supportive mothers who have experienced their own challenges. It’s difficult growing up with parents who don’t always get along, especially when the simplest solution is to communicate like adults and not involve the children in those communications. That’s why the courts often appoint mediators—to help with these difficult conversations. At the end of the day, the most important thing is to love and support our children, even when co-parenting presents challenges.