The Child Messenger
Let me tell you what has transpired. So my daughter had a school concert in March on her dad's week and [just for context] to this point we haven’t been able to see our daughter on Parent C’s weeks. After her concert was over we walked out with her and she quietly pulled us to the side and asked if she could come home with us and it breaks my heart so much to tell her no but we had to work the next day. So the week after we pick her up on our days off because Parent A allows us to visit with our daughter, anyway, we asked her if she would like to start visiting with us more regularly like she used to before the custody battle.
Her father has asked for any visitations to be communicated through Star⭐️ but she is a child and co-parenting 101 says to Absolutely for No Reason Use the Child as the Communicator between Parents! We later asked our daughter if she would like us to ask on her behalf and she obviously said yes.
Then comes the hard part; we asked her dad if we could start our routine day visits. As per usual he responded with "We will talk with her." I can only imagine the conversation being more of an interrogation or better yet there might not be any conversation. What do you benefit from alienating the one family who has been there since birth; I will emphasize again.. he was gone for 3 almost 4 years with one or two visits a year before moving closer to Star⭐️.
I hope one day he opens his eyes before it's too late because I can tell you from personal experience, I don't talk to my dad and I refuse to talk to my step-mom without cause. My dad was someone who would refuse to say one nice thing about my mother and he would always bring us down when it came to the topic of her. To put it lightly, any time we would be picked up by him he would say “how’s your mom is she still fat?.” It was hurtful but what there to say to him? I also remember this one time very clearly when the child support check was low but that was only because the court ordered it to increase and he was very colorful with his wording about her but I couldn’t do anything to soothe his anger towards her even though it really wasn’t her fault.
My step-mother on the other hand was very manipulative emotionally about our appearance and successes. My step-mother was not always a bad person but she had her moments; one time when had talked about my grades and small success in high school but she had pointed out that my cousins were playing instruments and joining clubs and one particular cousin she compared me to was school class-president and she was in cheer traveling nationally. This is one of my most important memories because I remember this conversation creating a sense of hate towards a cousin that had nothing but loving parents who supported her through these successes. The lesson I learned was that our parents are different and mine just happened to not understand how to love us but to bring us down and make us ‘succeed’ through emotional punishment.
So I say, I know my daughter will hurt but she is strong because she has us; two very strong women who have been hurt by one parent or more and it's hard to grow up knowing your parents hate each other over stupid minor things when the easiest thing to do is just talk like adults and don’t let your children do the communicating for you. That is why the courts have appointed mediators for such matters. Love your children even when your ex-partner(s) is a non-negotiating narcissist.